Motherhood

Let’s Talk about Sex, Baby…

“Let’s talk about sex, baby. Lets talk about you and me. Let’s talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be. Let’s talk about sex.” -Salt ‘N’ Pepa

First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage…which was the super fun and easy part, but what they don’t tell you is what happens after that baby comes. Today, we are getting really honest, so let’s talk about sex, baby.

I think most of us have this image in our head of getting married and procreating these beautiful little beings that are a wonderful mix of you and your significant other. You imagine sitting on a park bench holding hands, maybe even stealing a passionate kiss, while you watch your little ones play in the distance at the park.

The truth of the matter is keeping your relationship alive and well after having babies is just as difficult as raising the little things that you now tell your husband “they are half yours too.” Once you bring that baby home your world is turned upside down and sex is usually the last thing on your mind, in fact you are pretty sure you left your mind somewhere at the hospital along with your sanity.

Keeping your relationship alive after babies is as difficult as raising the little things... Click To Tweet

I have teamed up with the hysterical Alexis from Mrs. Mombie who has me in stitches with her list of reasons why you might not be in the mood. So here is what I want you to do…head over to her blog to read this list, which may or may not have you laughing so hard you pee, then come back over here to finish up with some solutions on how to get your funky mood back. I promise you DO NOT want to miss out on what she has to say, which may include “the desire to fruit ninja your sweet loving husband in the…” So go read!

Now that you have laughed so hard you are crying, I am here to offer you some solutions to bring the passion back into your marriage and get back on track in the sack.

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Here are a few good reasons you should regain some intimacy in your relationship:

14 Reasons why you should regain intimacy in your relationship after babies Click To Tweet
  1. You LOVE this person. Write a list of the top 10 reasons you love this person and then read it to them, their reaction might just surprise you and soften the mood.
  2. You miss them. Take a minute to think about the last time you actually hung out together without kids or any other interruptions. If you can’t even remember, go through your phone and find someone who can come over for 2 hours so the two of you can go out by yourselves. Here is a list of date night ideas too, in case you are stuck.
  3. Even Hollywood schedules “Funky Town.” If you missed the show Parenthood, then you might be slightly confused. But in short, even the characters on the show would send invites to their spouses for “Funky Town” to let the other person know it had been too long and it was time for a romp in the hay. Don’t feel like being predictable is boring, sometimes the expectation adds excitement to the mood and it also makes sure that everyone is on the same page for the evenings activities!;)
  4. Sexting is where’s its at. So you might feel awkward the first few times, but sending some frisky messages to your mate while they are at work only adds great anticipation for you both for when they finally come home. Here are 50 great texts you can send to your hubby.
  5. Making out improves your bond. Yes I said make-out, like a couple of high school kids. Did you know you can burn calories just by kissing? So give your mate a call and let them know you are ready for a good ole’ fashion lip smacking session. Not to mention kissing and snuggling improves your bond as a couple.
  6. Sex is a great work out. Since we are on the topic of burning calories, did your know that 30 minutes of sex can burn over 144 calories?!? Ok, we all know everyone needs a quickie sometimes, but if you start with that make-out session, then you are burning calories left and right. So go burn off that dessert you just ate!
  7. All that pretty, lacy lingerie is just collecting dust. Ok, I know it is not always the most comfortable, but let’s face it, they like it and it usually doesn’t stay on long anyways. So take one for the team, go dust off something sexy and give him a surprise. Hey, it’s even said that taking off clothes adds to the calorie burn, double win!;)
  8. Candlelight is really the best light. Even if sex is not on the table for the evening, it doesn’t mean you can’t light some candles and watch a good show, or snuggle up for an actual conversation without distractions (and in case you are out of ideas of how to even start a coversation here is a list of 76 questions to ask your spouse). So set up some romantic lighting and burn baby burn. Here is a link to an aromatherapy message oil candle, just in case you need a suggestion for that special light.
  9. That huge tub was meant for more than drying your laundry. Guilty of this one right here. We have this big ole’ tub and all we ever do is hang our laundry on it, well, that and the kids will get in it and pretend they are in a boat. I suppose it is all find and dandy, but doesn’t a nice warm bubble bath sound awesome? So do it! For those without a tub, just try taking a shower together, any naked time is better than no naked time!;)
  10. Kitchen dancing never goes out of style. Put on some music, put down the dishes and just grab your partner for a little slow dance to some groovy tunes. Just being close to each other physically can lessen the stress of the day and put you both in a better mood. Here is a link to the top 30 love songs.
  11. Everybody loves to strip. Speaking of dancing, a little bedroom dancing never hurt anybody either. And this goes for all the guys out there too! We don’t want to be the only ones putting ourselves out there, so this one is for you. Make us smile by doing a little strip tease for us to help us get in the mood. If you aren’t much of a stripper, try a round of strip poker, it’s just as fun! Or play other fun card games or even this sexy jenga game to get the clothes off!;)
  12. You could really use a Staycation. Sometimes we couples need more than just a couple hours on a date night, but can’t really afford to go away on a vacation. If your kids are a bit older (out of the all night feeding stages & sleeping on their own) ask a grandparent or whomever you trust to either take the kiddos for a night or have them come over while you all head to a local hotel. That way not only do you get to sleep in, but you can also get frisky without the worry of being up at 6am.
  13. Your children are watching how you interact. I am a firm believer that your kids should see you hug, hold hands, kiss, and snuggle! They should witness that mom and dad love each other and that love is what glues everything together. So don’t hold back, give your spouse a big fat kiss right in front of the kids and show them that your marriage is still a priority.
  14. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Have you ever heard that saying “practice makes perfect?” Well, it kinda goes for the whole intimacy thing too. The more you make an effort to think about the other person, hold their hand, kiss them randomly, light the candles, have a make-out session, the more it will become a good forming habit. Then, I can pretty much bet your relationship will be headed down the right track. And if it has been too long and you just can’t seem to jump back in the sack, there is no shame in getting some outside counseling. Many churches offer free counseling to couples that are in need of some extra help.

I hope you enjoyed this fun list of reasons why you should ignite that light if it’s been going out a bit. Trust me when I say I need to be doing even more of these myself. It is so hard when you are exhausted, distracted and feel as though there are so many things to do, but if we don’t take care of our marriage no one else will.

“Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” -Romans 12:10

14 Ways to rekindle the flame

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This article has 26 comments

  1. stephanie

    The best!!!! Love!!!! Great tips!!!! Thanks for sharing, Jenny!!!

  2. Vanessa

    Oh my word girl, I love this post and also super miss my husband now (darn deployment!). I can’t wait to put these tips into action 😉

    • Jenny

      Thank you so much for reading and I am so glad you enjoyed it!! That darn deployment, talk about anticipation! Someone very close to me has a husband who just got home…its not easy what you ladies endure! When does he come home? I got your email, give me a bit to get back to you! XOXO!

  3. Caroline Rogers

    Love it!!!

  4. Nicole

    I love this Jenny and you two are two hot tamales!! I totally agree you have to make each other and sex a priority. My two are both in school now so it was totally fun to send my hubby a sexy pic for a little nooner. 😉 Here’s to happy and healthy marriages the way God designed it. ♥️
    xo, Nicole

    • Jenny

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I so look forward to the day when we have a few hours together alone, during the day! That sounds amazing!!! And yes, here is to happy and healthy marriages! And much love to you for baby #3!

  5. Jasmine Hewitt

    Love this list! (and shared on twitter!)

  6. Naya @ Lactivist in Louboutins

    Great list!! It’s so important to spend some time with your partner, especially after kids. We’re lucky enough to be able to sneak way for a night a few times a year and those nights are always the best.

    • Jenny

      Thank you! That’s awesome! We look forward to when the kids are a bit older when so we can sneak away for a night or two!

  7. chanel

    okay, how hot are you guys?? LOL. seriously though, these are some great tips girl!

  8. Angela Kim

    Wow those photos are so gorgeous and hot I can’t stop looking at them. Is that you, girlfriend? lol This is a great list. As a mom of three and wife married for almost 12 years sex obviously takes the back seat to things. Thanks for the great reminder. My husband and I definitely need to rekindle the fire once in awhile before I do (when Postpartum is over) I’ll reflect back to this list! Thanks for sharing

    • Jenny

      You are too sweet friend! Yup, its us, but waaayyy before kids! Haha!! I know, its so hard to keep things spicy, I am so guilty of using my “free time” to do other things. But I am going to make it more of a point! Thanks for reading!!

  9. stephanie

    LOVE the list!!! Always a great read!!! Another fun one is leaving something sexy in his work out bag. : )

    • Jenny

      Oh yes, that’s a good one! I’ll even leave notes in lipstick on the mirror!;)

  10. Sarah

    Fantastic list! Especially love 13! So important!

  11. Suzanne Hines

    Great list! It’s so important to keep that marriage spicy!

  12. Nicole Banuelos

    Preach it! I absolutely love this post, it couldn’t be more true and relatable to all of us mama’s out there!

    • Jenny

      Thank you so very much! So glad you could relate. Thanks for reading and stopping by to leave your thoughts!

  13. Celeste Charles

    I love this!! I’m a new momma to an almost 8 month old and hubby and I had to work diligently to make sure our sex life didn’t completely disappear (which it did at one point!). It’s hard, but it’s possible! Thanks for the extra tips 🙂

    • Jenny

      Congrats on the new baby! Yes, it is so very hard to keep things alive and well, but the end result is so worth it!

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